09.08.17 | i’ve changed

a lot can change in a year. i’ve changed, for certain, but not in the way people think i have. and though i loathe myself for it, it bothers me deeply when people – people who claim to know me but hardly know me at all – tell me that “i’ve changed” in some way or form. i don’t blame them, i suppose – how can i? i’m not an open book, after all. i live in hiding, most of the time, and the person they see, you see, i see – why, she’s wearing a mask, living an act, buried behind a series of layers – a solid mantle that only God can unveil. heck, i hardly knew myself before i moved here. as a matter of fact, i hardly know myself now. but yes – i can only suppose that i’ve changed, in their eyes, because they’ve finally started to look more closely, because they’ve finally started to look in the right direction, and because i’ve finally started to look, to see, myself. it, she, i… well, we were all there all along, tucked away in a dusty, old, corner, blurred by the soft, incandescent glow of a sky permeated with stars. of course i seem different – everyone does, when you stop looking at them in the face, and start looking at them in the heart.
i guess i was just never one to wear my heart on my sleeve. 🌿

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