22.07.17 | yellow

i love yellow. alongside robin egg blue, it’s probably my favourite colour. i love how it makes me feel like a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day. i love how it’s the colour of sunflowers, pineapples, and winnie the pooh. i love how it’s also the colour of canaries, daffodils, and ducklings; the colour of marigold, pasta, and lemons; the colour of stars, smilies, and the occasional tulip (my favourite flower, by far). and so, on various occasions i always feel obliged to throw in a splash of yellow (and other bright colours) into my feed, because as much as i love my white bedsheets and white desk and white walls, i do love colour. and as gaudy as some think yellow is, i think it adds warmth, life, a little bit of my own personality. and i feel that way about a lot of things – about the way i speak, write, dress, act. because i think it’s so easy to lose your sense of self in a world where too many feel obliged to conform. i think it’s so easy to forget who you are when the world thinks you’re someone else. it’s so easy to lose your voice in exchange for another, in exchange for one that sounds, perhaps, more enticing, but isn’t, and will never be, yours. and i guess sometimes, i just need to remind myself of who i am, of who i want to be. of who i was, of who i’ve slowly become. of the changes i’ve been through and the adventures i’ve taken, of the roads i’ve travelled and the progress i’ve made. because it’s just too easy to forget.

and so, i remind myself of all of this with the cross on my neck and the braids on my back, with the outdated music on my phone and the Victorian novellas on my shelf. with the oversized, patchwork jumper that i love so very dearly, with the floral dress that i practically live in, alongside the yellow purse that i carry around with me, everyday. just today, a customer at work told me i was the “strangest person” she had ever met, but in “a good way – like a breath of fresh air”. in the beginning, her words hurt – just a little bit. but they’ve kept me thinking, and i think i will try to take them as a compliment, and not an offense. because hopefully, it means that i haven’t forgotten. hopefully, it means that i’ve remembered, at least a snippet, of who i am.

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