15.07.17 | routine

i don’t know if i can live without a routine of some variety. i’ve always been a bit of an obsessive planner; a creature of habit, with an aversion to change. new situations scare me. i don’t adapt well to anything unforeseen. i like to know what to expect and when to expect it, and even though my plans hardly ever work out the way i want them to, my obdurate brain seeks structure where it can find it – that is, after all, where it thrives. and so, although i am grateful for routines (because they keep me focused; they help me accomplish my goals and keep me grounded), i have also realised that they can, at times, be debilitating. and i think learning to recognise that has been imperative for me. learning to be flexible, however challenging, has given me more freedom to pursue and attain my dreams. sometimes, life gets in the way and my routine changes; and for that, i am also grateful – because if eating dumplings for breakfast at 10 o’clock (see above photo) or cereal for dinner at 11 pm means that i can do a job i love without feeling faint or dizzy, then i guess i’ll let it be. if recovering from a cold means settling down on the sofa with a book in one hand and a cup of tea in another, then i might as well enjoy the rest. if not all of the boxes get checked off my to do list, if an appointment runs late, if i feel gross and filthy and a friend decides to spontaneously call me the moment i am about to step into the shower (this has happened twice this week), i will pause, think, and stop closing doors on the little hidden opportunities life continues to throw at me, everyday. the opportunities to grow, breathe, and build relationships. the opportunity to live the life i have always wanted to live.
because ultimately, i think that’s what routines are for. they do not exist to fashion a life out of fear and misery, to punish and imprison and frighten. rather, they exist so that i can fashion a life – a life that i can live intentionally. a life that i can call my own. i’m still figuring life out, and i still live with a planner i carry around religiously. but i’m slowly starting to accept that my routines do not define me. and that is (i think) okay. 🌁 #contentment21

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